Okay, so my head knows all the right things to say and feel about foster care. I know this so well that I have actually convinced my heart that it will not hurt when baby J leaves. Yesterday, my little charade fell apart.
My head had me convinced that she might cry when I picked her up yesterday after he long weekend with her family. Boy was I wrong. She was so happy and excited to see us. She was all smiles and giggles. When I picked her up she buried her head in my shoulder and hugged my neck. Needless to say, when I got in the car to drive away (after the family was out of sight) I lost it. The tears just came like a flood. The emotions I had been holding at bay since day one finally bubbled to the surface. I love this girl. She loves us.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know her family loves her and that she loves them. This is not about that in any way.
I honestly thought that we could foster children, God's amazing gift, and not fall madly, deeply in love. But honestly, what good would we be if we didn't?
You're right. If you didn't fall in love you wouldn't be doing what God asked you to do.
ReplyDeleteWhen is she scheduled to go back? Will be praying for you.
T, you are doing a beautiful job here. I spent a few years in therapy "for the kids" learning what the grief cycle looks like, how to grieve and understanding that God has a plan that I am only a part of. You are a piece of the puzzle in your little girl's life that gave her what she needed when she needed it most!
ReplyDeleteI remember sending my first one home to the best of circumstances, a very successful dad who lived in England. I was so happy for him. Two weeks later, I was talking to someone and burst into tears. I was shocked and had no idea where that came from.
Praying for your transition. Just a thought: After a child leaves, it takes our family a while to adjust to a new normal in that same way as when they come. Give yourself the space to do that. If you need an ear, let me know.
Thank you both. I do believe that God loves her more and am just so grateful that he saw fit to allow us to be part of her journey. We are blessed.
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